Archive for June, 2007


The Rules of Life

Just some random thoughts from my tired mind.

  • If you’re stupid, don’t feign intelligence, it just makes it worse.
  • Murphy’s Law isn’t always right. Everything doesn’t always go worst case scenario, but it comes pretty close.
  • If you tell someone you’re going to call them back, call them back. Not that hard.
  • You run into people you don’t want to see more often than those that you do.
  • When using the internet, your connection will go out at the most inopportune time. For example, when submitting an online payment, or in the middle of a conversation on an Instant Messenger.
  • Even if you keep your expectations low, you’ll still be disappointed most of the time.
  • Never dismiss a single person as the most idiotic, or you’ll have to revise your decision every day.
  • The more money you make, the more you find you have to pay out.

Probably my least coherent post ever, I’m going to go to sleep now.

EDIT: Note to self, Categories are not the same thing as tags. I’m going to go cry now as I delete a few hundred categories…

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Stop, Thief!

Well, tonight was interesting. Had some crazy klepto lady come into our store tonight and try to steal $300 worth of merchandise.

What started it off was, Angela (store manager) had just opened up a box from the back and was putting stuff out on the shelves, but had to go to the front of the store for just a minute. When she came BACK, there was an empty case for a voice recorder sitting on top of one of the boxes. So we figured whoever stole it had to still be in the store. Well, it so happens the lady was talking to one of our employees, who mentioned something about the stolen voice recorder. So the lady takes off, and the alarm goes off while she’s going out the door. So ashlie asks to check the woman’s bag that she was carrying, and then she starts acting like she has a phone call and wanders back over to the other side of the register, where she starts trying to covertly (didn’t work) get rid of the stuff she’d stolen (which turned out to be a few phones as well) and left it on the counter.

By that point, we realized she’d been stealing things, so the six of us kept an eye on her for what ended up being the next TWO HOURS. I went to help her find a pen that she was asking about, and while I was looking, I noticed her making strange movements behind me. Her hands were shoved behind a shelf on one of the gondolas on the pen aisle, so I started pointing out the pens while keeping a good eye on her. At the moment, I thought she was actually trying to steal MORE things, but she was actually trying to get rid of other stuff she still hadn’t disposed of. We could see several things in her back pockets as well, still wrapped in the plastic that apparently she’d forgotten about?

Of course, due to stupid company regulations, we can’t actually call the police on her without permission from the LP office, who of course, didn’t answer their phone for the entire two hours she was in the store. We had an officer who was parked in the parking lot (he’s there most every day), so I drove over to him, and told him the situation, and asked if he’d take a walk into the store, just to maybe scare the woman off. We mentioned that the police were on the way as we passed by the woman again, and she about had a heart attack, haha. She still just kept walking around the store, and we just kept stalking her the whole time.

Once the officer came in, we told him who it was, and he started walking the store, close to her, and she ACTUALLY STARTED A CONVERSATION WITH THE OFFICER! I guess she was just trying to act innocent. But anyway, after a while, he left the store, and told us he’d be waiting outside, and in the event she set off the alarms again, we would have authority to search her belongings. Well she eventually came to check out (with a pack of post-it notes), and we actually had all of theses boxes, and items that we’d recovered from places she’d left them, sitting at the register when she went to check out, and she totally pretended not to notice them. As she started to leave, she noticed that the police officer was still out there, and suddenly remembered “she still had something else she needed”, and went back into the store!

Stop!So we go around and start following her AGAIN, and she actually tries to pocket ANOTHER phone! That and, the voice recorder she originally stole was in her hand, wrapped in the daily sales flyer (was pretty obvious she had it though), and she started to walk down the aisle where those were, and kristi met up with her and asked if she needed help, and this lady actually handed her the voice recorder and said “I’m looking for tapes to fit this player”, pretending as if it was hers, LIKE WE ACTUALLY DIDN’T KNOW SHE’D STOLEN IT! She then handed it to Kristi and told her to keep it, and changed her story to that she found it on the counter, and it just LOOKED like hers. So at this point we’d recovered just about everything, but she still had one phone in her bag, and we knew that (possibly more, we never did get to look in her bag)

But yeah, she went and purchased those cassette tapes, and then walked out the door (where there were now TWO cops) and proceeded to her truck (which for the record, is Alabama license plate number 25G409L, I wrote it down) and ended up flooding her engine trying to get her car started and get the heck out of there. One of the officers drove up next to her, and got her to roll down the window, and unfortunately I didn’t get to hear the conversation as I was watching from the store, but long story short, she didn’t get arrested, but she is permanently banned from entering our store. If she does, then we can have her arrested on trespassing charges. Didn’t leave me happy, as I was hoping to see her thrown to the ground and handcuffed (Yeah, I’m cruel like that. :) ), but I guess it’ll suffice.

I kinda hope she comes back, in a twisted way. :D

On the bright side though, we all earned witness rewards for recovering the merchandise, so I guess that’s some consolation.


Prank Night at OfficeMax!

Haha, okay tonight was awesome. Well, yesterday I got to play the part of a technophobic Chinese gay man, and prank call Jacob. That of course, was in retaliation for him tricking Ashlie into thinking this fake camera we had was real, and was being monitored by corporate (yeah, it was mean, but freakin hilarious).

So anyway, we started the night off by getting Ashlie again. We took some double-sided mounting tape, and firmly secured the handset to the base unit. Then when Ashlie got back, we rang the store phone from a cellphone, and when she tried to pick it up, it lifted up the entire base unit, and she couldn’t get the phone out.

Well, earlier on in the day, I’d also emptied and thoroughly cleaned out a Windex bottle that was kept under the counter, then walked over to Dollar General to buy some blue gatorade. I think you probably know where I went with that. Haha, so yeah, I filled the empty Windex bottle about halfway up with Gatorade, and then left it on the counter while Ashlie was on break. When she got back, Mark asked me to clean the counters (yeah, he already knew about the switch), so I start the clean the counters in front of Ashlie, then stopped to take a nice big drink out of the bottle. Haha, I wish I would’ve had a camera, the look on her face was priceless!

So after all that, she went over to grab a buggy for putting out returns, and we placed a piece of clear Scotch tape over the switch on the phone (the one under the handset, that pops up when you lift the handset so that the phone knows that it’s been picked up), and rang the phone again. This time, she picks up the phone, and it just keeps ringing. Took her a while to figure out what the problem was. :)

We decided we’d leave her alone after that, but decided we needed another. So we went to check lockers, and Josh had left his car keys in his locker. We debated for a while, but we ended up taking his car, and parking it out behind the building. Then Mark took him out back to take out trash, and he finally noticed. It was pretty funny.

Unfortunately that’s when I got pranked. When I went out to drive his car, I’d left my cellphone on the counter and forgot about it. Well, I was looking for it later, and couldn’t find it anywhere. I tried calling it but it wasn’t ringing. So yeah, I’m having a miniature heart attack thinking someone stole my phone, and then it hits me that Mark more than likely had it. When I asked him about it, he tried to act like he didn’t have it, but he sucks at lying, so I stopped worrying about that. :P

I couldn’t get Mark back very well though, I ran out of ideas. I just placed tape over the keyhole on the door for lockup, and used mounting tape to stick the mouse to the computer desk in the manager’s office. They worked, but they weren’t very interesting.

Well, throughout all this, we finally realized that Mike was the only one that hadn’t been pranked, so naturally we had to rectify that situation. He was leaving in about 15 minutes, so we didn’t have much time to work with, so this is what we eventually came up with:

POST-IT NOTES!! All over his windshield! Haha, for short notice, we thought Post-It notes worked pretty well. We used up two pads of them. I think we all agreed that it was the best prank of the night, and it was hilarious, he actually got in the car and started it up before he noticed all the post-its everywhere!

But unfortunately that ended our pranks for the night, but at least we got everyone! I think it was worth the few bucks I spent on supplies for the raid. :D

Oh! And we left a few surprises for the morning crew as well. I taped the switch on the phone at register 1 again, mounted the mouse to the table back, and did a switch on the ImPress computer. I took a screenshot of the desktop with all the icons, then hid the icons, and set the screenshot as the wallpaper. I left the Start menu, but she’ll be trying for a while to click anything on the desktop! :D